I Asked My Dentist….

i asked my dentist which is better, an electric toothbrush or a manual one. she replied “what the hell are you doing in my house!”

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Publisher’s Clearing House Math Makes No Sense. Does It To You?

some finance sites say that publisher’s clearing house (pch) made about 106M last year (so this post assumes that those figures are accurate)…but they claim to give away tens of millions a year. are they just the nicest people in the world to give away most of their profits or is it a total scam? i just don’t understand how they can be giving away such a HUGE portion of their profits like that? they’re not a charity organization or philanthropists (that i’m aware of)…so what am i missing here?

they’ve got many offices across the nation, so their operating/payroll/etc. costs must be quite high, as well.

not trying to bad-mouth them or discourage people from entering…i just want answers 🙂

please comment below…

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To My Exes (None Of Whom Are In Texas)

“if you’re searching the lines for a point,
well…you’ve probably missed it.
there was never anything there
in the first place.”

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Did You Know That People Post Pics Of Their Cats On The Web?

i think that’s awesome. here’s one of my cats sleeping in my lap in front of the computer. (he’s also snoring.)

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Food Delivery Finally In Kernersville (DoorDash)

definitely a bit pricey, but totally worth it when needed. doordash is delivering food from restaurants in kernersville now!

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Talked To The Kitties For The First Time In About 10 Days (I Had Laryngitis)

i was able, for the first time in almost 2 weeks, to speak words out loud. never had laryngitis before. what a crazy trip that is.

anyway…i spoke to the kitties today and they didn’t care one bit.

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So. Well. Done.

i’m in love with her version.

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That One Time In 6th Grade…

i got some money for xmas. bought some “magic” stuff with it. disappearing ink and a hand buzzer (not magic, but funny as fuk to a 6th grader).

as soon as i got to school, i immediately walked up to the principal and squirted his white shirt with (what appeared to be) blue ink.

every child around froze and had a look of fear i’m not sure i’ve seen before. all the adults stopped everything they were doing and looked like “oh allen…you finally crossed the line.”

then i realized nobody knew what it was, so i screamed “no! don’t worry. it’s magic disappearing ink i got for xmas. just give it a few seconds and it turns to water with no stain whatsoever!”

that was an indescribable 20 seconds of my life. everyone around just staring at his shirt. then…it went away.

he ended up chuckling at me and told me to never do that to anyone ever again.

everyone hated the hand buzzer, btw. best. buy. ever.

(i have no clue how old i was here. that was my dog among 6 cats in our home. her name was “princess”. she had a german name when my mom got her, but changed it because “it sounds too angry”. i’m wearing an “air force” tshirt because i was a “military brat”)

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“Levidrome” Deserves A Shout Out!

this kid’s story is fantastic. i can’t believe there was never a word for that! i promise you that “levidrome” will be an official word in merriam-webster’s dictionary in their next word addition.

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My Breastfeeding-In-Public Views…

i know i’m a guy but…

people who are offended when someone breastfeeds in public need to STFU. what they’re doing is natural and strengthens the bond between her and her cat.

(if i run for president, this post might come back to haunt me…)

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This Is Not A Viral Cat Video.

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I Could Be The “Jane Goodall” For Cats (Day 9 Of Not Talking To My Cats…)

since my laryngitis, i’ve been unable to speak (barely even whisper at the beginning). they said the only cure is to cease and desist all talking, whispering, or any sounds.

of course, during this time, i have not spoken to at all. normally, i talk to them a LOT.

they know something’s wrong, but are not clear what it is.

here in the jungle, i’ve noticed that since i’ve stopped talking to them for over a week…they have (exponentially) decreased their meowing.

i still hold and love on them constantly, of course, i just haven’t been discussing politics with them lately…

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40% Discount On First “Subscribe & Save” Order On Amazon? Sweet Deal.

i can almost time it to the day when i need to get more cat food. try amazon’s “subscribe & save” to have it auto-delivered (at a discount, too, i believe). click here.

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Defending Myself (Yourself) In Court? Been Studying/Memorizing For 4 Months. I Might Give It A Go Against Someone.

in my opinion (and from what many google searches have said), bank of america fucked me over and continues to do so. i can’t stop them…i’m a drop in their ocean. i sincerely believe with all of my heart that (right at the EXACT time the mortgage stuff collapsed along with our economy) they sold me a predatory loan. i had zero clue what it meant (or eventually would mean). (the answer is financial disaster and loss of well over 100k, i think).

because there’s no money in it for the lawyers, it seems they’re all very busy right now. i tried “free” legal organizations, but nothing. so then i thought…is it a dumbass thing to attempt to file a civil suit against a giant like boa and also be your own lawyer? what’s the old phrase? “anyone who defends himself has a fool for a lawyer”.

then i googled “defending yourself in civil court” and got a myriad of quality information. some very detailed. but they all did say one constant: if you lose, you lose your case, what you were suing for (or to keep), and you have to pay all of boa’s attorney fees, court costs, and jesus christ himself will come down and make you give him one million dollars. (cash only…he’s like that.)

if i won (and the judge was cool), i’d ask him/her to say “you’re out of order, mr. mcnulty!” so i can do the famous court bit most know. after everyone’s left, of course haha

also, i really, really, really, need the judge to be a sassy, black, lady. not only will i feel like i have a fair and impartial judge, but we can also do the sassy, black lady head roll when bank of america says some bullshit and we catch ’em on it.

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Day 7 of 14 Days of Laryngitis. My Cats Still Can’t Figure Out WTF Is Going On.

it’s really weird to attempt to talk and not even a peep comes out. i can whisper just a little. i’m only half-way through the course, assuming i’ve been diagnosed correctly.

my cats think it’s sorta’ effed up that i don’t talk to them anymore. i love on them more than i should, but i don’t speak to them. they remain confused 🙂

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Tommy The Cat And His Disdain For Lysine Gel

i have to give one of my cats, tommy, “lysine” because of his bad eyes and upper respiratory issues. it helps a bit between antibiotic shots.

it’s a gel, so i just put it on his paw. he tries to run away from it, but he runs on only the 3 other legs. when the gel paw goes up, he shakes it violently. none of that works, so he licks it off. for some very odd reason (to me) it’s maple-flavored.

i need to get video of it soon…

comment below if you have funny cat medicine stories… 🙂

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A Small Part Of Just One Coming Out…

because of indescribable hatred and violence towards gay people in 1985, i was 19 before i came out to one friend and my mom. mom said “well…it’s going to be a sad an lonely life” and didn’t speak to me for around 3 weeks.

#itgetsbetter

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