i almost won the lottery, but none of my numbers matched.
you may not have heard of the “wyze” brand, but it’s the real deal. high quality, basic home security, at incredibly low pricing. see the ratings and google if you have doubt 🙂
*as an amazon associate, i earn from qualifying purchases.
this cracked me up.
my fuel pump went out on my car. had it towed to the garage who said it would be several hours, but offered to have the asst. manager give me a lift back to my house 7 miles away. cool.
or so i thought…
i’m 6’3″ and still had to hoist myself into his small penis compensating, 9-foot tall, truck. after 2 attempts, i finally got in. i reached over and buckled my seatbelt and when i turned back in my seat, he’d put on his “make america great again” red hat. fuck me.
it was a quiet ride, until i made the mistake of commenting on the guy walking on the wrong side of the road. i said “that boy’s gonna’ get hit. you’d think his momma would’ve taught him better.” to which he replied, “it’s because of all of this goddammned socialism!”
it was too late to pretend like i fell asleep, so i just remained silent. 7 miles. might as well have been 100 miles. longest. ride. ever. and…now he knows exactly where i live.
i thanked him for the ride, got out, and realized they had my keys. i forgot to get my fucking house key! fortunately, 14 years ago when i moved in, i put a spare key in one of those bolted security lock boxes that was hidden from eye’s view. although i’d completely forgotten i did that, i thanked jeebus that i did. however…it took me 10 tries to remember the code i would’ve used 14 years ago.
they offered to come get me to pick up my car, but i chose to take a cab instead.
for your republican gift-giving, i present trump wrapping paper!
(as an amazon associate, i earn from qualifying purchases.)
one of my cats, tommy, just woke up. i got his leg going and i think he gave me a “look” at the end?
(he has feline herpes, which causes him daily eye issues 🙁
smart tv’s are spying on you. the article is here.
i wish i could video edit like this.
i called the butterball hotline this morning. they are NOT a sex hookup line. i know this now.
this badass woman is my new spirit animal.