people ask me what my story is, so here goes:
it was a dark and stormy night, as well as the best of times and worst of times, in a land far, far, away where i was born a poor, black, sharecropper's son who was waiting for godot.
— Big Gay Al ? (@allenmcnulty) October 27, 2019
i have a friend named “joe waldera”. so you know him, too…here’s a video i took of joe waldera.
it was triple coupon day at one of my grocery stores. the mistake i made was a valuable lesson. don't go at 8pm, because *everything* is gone. i hope there's video of me and the little old lady not letting go of the last gallon of milk. i hit her with her oxygen tank and ran.
— Big Gay Al ? (@allenmcnulty) January 3, 2020
“When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.”
— Mark Twain
— Big Gay Al ? (@allenmcnulty) January 1, 2020
i almost won the lottery, but none of my numbers matched.
you may not have heard of the “wyze” brand, but it’s the real deal. high quality, basic home security, at incredibly low pricing. see the ratings and google if you have doubt 🙂
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this cracked me up.
both parents are know-it-all’s. they raised their 3 kids to be know-it-all’s. they have other mental issues, as well, but the know-it-all part is what always got me. they all struggle every day and every night with this…and don’t even know it. ahhhh…irony.
the fucked up matriarch kept commenting on our friendship by saying “i’m in this for the long haul”. she said this for over a year (i think she read the line somewhere and took it as her own). then, when i went into a deep and long depression…not contacting or seeing anyone for almost a year…she ghosted me. we were friends for 40 years.
i guess what i’m saying is: fuck each and every one of you cunts. i wish for pain and misery for all of you. but you probably already knew that.
my fuel pump went out on my car. had it towed to the garage who said it would be several hours, but offered to have the asst. manager give me a lift back to my house 7 miles away. cool.
or so i thought…
i’m 6’3″ and still had to hoist myself into his small penis compensating, 9-foot tall, truck. after 2 attempts, i finally got in. i reached over and buckled my seatbelt and when i turned back in my seat, he’d put on his “make america great again” red hat. fuck me.
it was a quiet ride, until i made the mistake of commenting on the guy walking on the wrong side of the road. i said “that boy’s gonna’ get hit. you’d think his momma would’ve taught him better.” to which he replied, “it’s because of all of this goddammned socialism!”
it was too late to pretend like i fell asleep, so i just remained silent. 7 miles. might as well have been 100 miles. longest. ride. ever. and…now he knows exactly where i live.
i thanked him for the ride, got out, and realized they had my keys. i forgot to get my fucking house key! fortunately, 14 years ago when i moved in, i put a spare key in one of those bolted security lock boxes that was hidden from eye’s view. although i’d completely forgotten i did that, i thanked jeebus that i did. however…it took me 10 tries to remember the code i would’ve used 14 years ago.
they offered to come get me to pick up my car, but i chose to take a cab instead.
for your republican gift-giving, i present trump wrapping paper!
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