butter hasn’t been upstairs in about 2 years (me/vet thinks it hurt him too much to climb the stairs…probably arthritis). today, he wasn’t around when i got up and i searched the house for 30 minutes and couldn’t find him. i thought he might have died (he always comes when i call), but took a leap and checked my upstairs office (the only door that isn’t closed up there) and he’s hidden in the back lying on a bunch of bubble wrap. he won’t leave the spot. i wormed my way in there and picked him up to see if he was in pain, but he didn’t react. i carried him downstairs to the room with the food/water/catbox and he used the box and very, very slowly and immediately went back up the stairs to my office closet. i’m hoping he’s just feeling a little sick and not finding his spot to pass away in. the not knowing is some of the worst parts of this. he could thrive for years or this could be a sign of the end.
i called the vet and told her, but there’s nothing she can do but do a bunch of blood tests. can’t afford them or the treatment if something’s found. he’s not in pain though, he’s just as far away as possible by himself. the office is right beside my bedroom.
my heart physically hurts right now. he’s not “just a cat”…he turned 18 last month and has been my best friend, companion, muse, champion. and so much more. our connection has been unlike any other with a cat i’ve ever had. he’s intentionally tried to physically comfort me during bad times, via various ways. if i was crying, he’d keep putting his nose against my arm…but never, ever does that any other time. he never tries to sit in my lap, unless i’m upset. it’s difficult to explain the reality of our connection. he’s done it with others, too….when he senses any kind of stress (even with a complete stranger), he gets near them and stays a while.
waiting to see what’s going on is the hardest part.
[UPDATE] a few hours later, when i got up from my nap, he came downstairs and used the cat box and drank a ton of water. i’m going to take this as a good sign. he’s staying downstairs in his usual spot, so i may have been worried for nothing. have to admit, it was very unusual behavior and somewhat of how a cat begins to act when he knows he’s going to die.
[UPDATE] acting as normal as ever now. still getting old…skinny, and slow most of the time.