Seeing These Ads As A Child…

i’ve been smoking since age 16, unfortunately.

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On Being Somewhat Tall

i’m just under 6’3″ tall and here are just some of my experiences:

* anytime i’m at a store (mostly grocery stores) a minimum of one person will inevitably ask me to get stuff off the top shelf for them. i don’t mind at all, i expect it after 53 years of being asked, and i’m happy to help 🙂

* getting into and out of small cars (or very low ones) is a chore, plus my head remains seated against the roof unless i sit funny. getting out is the worst. i have to organize and plan a strategy for that particular vehicle, which always results in: legs on ground first and then put my left hand on the car’s hood and my right hand on the top of the door and push (pull?) myself up to a stand. luckily, my small suv is much more manageable.

* i learned very young to always be careful when walking into any room i’ve never been in before. i have slammed my head into ceiling fans, lights, and the low part of ceilings when you go up/down stairs more times than i can count. countless times, i assure you. most people walking into someone’s home for the first time notice the couch, art on walls, etc., but not me…i’m looking for concussion-causing items above.

* i don’t have to climb as many ladder rungs as most people do to change a light bulb, check the house gutters for debris, etc. i’ve also never used a step stool in the kitchen that i can remember.

* i was able to ride carnival/fair rides before most of my friends, at an early age.

* shorter men, when standing directly beside me, seem to sometimes get a “napoleon complex”. sometimes they’ll flex or act like an ahole to me. that one always weird’s me out. i know it’s their issue, not mine, but still…grow the fuck up and be comfortable in your skin. mental health issues are covered in most health insurance policies.

* taking showers is very uncomfortable. the shower head always hits me at my abdomen. washing my hair requires moves from cirque du soleil. in my master bath remodel 12 years ago, i had him make the shower head very, very high up. it doesn’t affect anyone shorter and gives me my only pleasant shower experience i’ve ever had.

* washing dishes hurts my back tremendously. sinks are built very low (to me). i have to take “hurting back breaks” when i hand wash dishes. the top dishwasher shelf is ok, but i have to crouch way down for the dishes onthe lower shelf. twice. loading and unloading. when i hit the lottery, i might invest in building homes for taller people 🙂

* as with so many taller people, i’ve had constant back pain issues since my 20’s.

* thankfully, i’m not tall enough for people to say stupid crap to me like “how’s the weather up there?”.

* for a long time…before they changed them…i was always taller than the height strip in convenience stores at the exit door (for them to help describe a robber to police). if i every robbed a store with a height strip and the police asked “about how tall was he?” the clerk would have to say “taller than the strip” lol

that’s all i can think of right now, but will update when i remember other stuff.

please comment below if you have any issues with being tall.

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Cats Not Allowed In My Bedroom

i’ve never allowed any of my cats in my bedroom. my sleep is imperative and i need to remain undisturbed as much as possible (i’m constantly sleep-deprived, so i try to limit things that wake me up as much as possible). moreso…no cat hair on my bed!

that said…my bedroom door is always closed. the rare times that i accidentally leave it open, i arrive to find a kitty standing at the threshold peering inside at all the wonders of the world (through their eyes). unexplored territory with their daddy’s smell throughout…but they don’t cross the threshold.

when i first got butter (he’s almost 18 now!), he ran into my room the first chance he got when he was a newbie. immediately ran under the bed, of course. and it’s impossible to hand-reach a cowering cat underneath a king size bed with barely room enough for an arm to blindly feel around, so i used the “scare the shit out of him with extremely loud sounds” technique. he bolted out and never went in again (after a few more tries and scoldings)

if i’m just running into my bedroom to grab something real quick, i sometimes won’t close the door to latch close…it’s just cracked open a tad. tommy will nudge his head against the door and stick his head in…but won’t come inside.

it’s very funny to see, actually. i don’t carry my phone around with me, so i can never get a pic. one day, perhaps.

every morning i get up…for 4 years now….tommy sits outside my bedroom door in the hall and waits for me to get up and come out. he head butts my legs to death, gets petted, and follows me downstairs to do our morning socializing, get fresh food/water, and still doesn’t understand that i need an hour of coffee/wake-up time before i can play with him. butter, however, has learned to give me an hour to wake up. after i’ve been up an hour, butter starts meowing at me for attention.

it’s the only part of my days that i love. it’s the only joy, happiness, and love i experience or want anymore.

there’s so much love between us, i simply can’t put it into words to reflect its perfection and how carthartic they make me feel.

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Talked To The Kitties For The First Time In About 10 Days (I Had Laryngitis)

i was able, for the first time in almost 2 weeks, to speak words out loud. never had laryngitis before. what a crazy trip that is.

anyway…i spoke to the kitties today and they didn’t care one bit.

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That One Time In 6th Grade…

i got some money for xmas. bought some “magic” stuff with it. disappearing ink and a hand buzzer (not magic, but funny as fuk to a 6th grader).

as soon as i got to school, i immediately walked up to the principal and squirted his white shirt with (what appeared to be) blue ink.

every child around froze and had a look of fear i’m not sure i’ve seen before. all the adults stopped everything they were doing and looked like “oh allen…you finally crossed the line.”

then i realized nobody knew what it was, so i screamed “no! don’t worry. it’s magic disappearing ink i got for xmas. just give it a few seconds and it turns to water with no stain whatsoever!”

that was an indescribable 20 seconds of my life. everyone around just staring at his shirt. then…it went away.

he ended up chuckling at me and told me to never do that to anyone ever again.

everyone hated the hand buzzer, btw. best. buy. ever.

(i have no clue how old i was here. that was my dog among 6 cats in our home. her name was “princess”. she had a german name when my mom got her, but changed it because “it sounds too angry”. i’m wearing an “air force” tshirt because i was a “military brat”)

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I Could Be The “Jane Goodall” For Cats (Day 9 Of Not Talking To My Cats…)

since my laryngitis, i’ve been unable to speak (barely even whisper at the beginning). they said the only cure is to cease and desist all talking, whispering, or any sounds.

of course, during this time, i have not spoken to at all. normally, i talk to them a LOT.

they know something’s wrong, but are not clear what it is.

here in the jungle, i’ve noticed that since i’ve stopped talking to them for over a week…they have (exponentially) decreased their meowing.

i still hold and love on them constantly, of course, i just haven’t been discussing politics with them lately…

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Defending Myself (Yourself) In Court? Been Studying/Memorizing For 4 Months. I Might Give It A Go Against Someone.

in my opinion (and from what many google searches have said), bank of america fucked me over and continues to do so. i can’t stop them…i’m a drop in their ocean. i sincerely believe with all of my heart that (right at the EXACT time the mortgage stuff collapsed along with our economy) they sold me a predatory loan. i had zero clue what it meant (or eventually would mean). (the answer is financial disaster and loss of well over 100k, i think).

because there’s no money in it for the lawyers, it seems they’re all very busy right now. i tried “free” legal organizations, but nothing. so then i thought…is it a dumbass thing to attempt to file a civil suit against a giant like boa and also be your own lawyer? what’s the old phrase? “anyone who defends himself has a fool for a lawyer”.

then i googled “defending yourself in civil court” and got a myriad of quality information. some very detailed. but they all did say one constant: if you lose, you lose your case, what you were suing for (or to keep), and you have to pay all of boa’s attorney fees, court costs, and jesus christ himself will come down and make you give him one million dollars. (cash only…he’s like that.)

if i won (and the judge was cool), i’d ask him/her to say “you’re out of order, mr. mcnulty!” so i can do the famous court bit most know. after everyone’s left, of course haha

also, i really, really, really, need the judge to be a sassy, black, lady. not only will i feel like i have a fair and impartial judge, but we can also do the sassy, black lady head roll when bank of america says some bullshit and we catch ’em on it.

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Day 7 of 14 Days of Laryngitis. My Cats Still Can’t Figure Out WTF Is Going On.

it’s really weird to attempt to talk and not even a peep comes out. i can whisper just a little. i’m only half-way through the course, assuming i’ve been diagnosed correctly.

my cats think it’s sorta’ effed up that i don’t talk to them anymore. i love on them more than i should, but i don’t speak to them. they remain confused 🙂

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A Small Part Of Just One Coming Out…

because of indescribable hatred and violence towards gay people in 1985, i was 19 before i came out to one friend and my mom. mom said “well…it’s going to be a sad an lonely life” and didn’t speak to me for around 3 weeks.

#itgetsbetter

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5th Or 6th Day Of Severe Laryngitis. I Know Sign Language (ASL), But That Doesn’t Help For A Single Second.

i have to run errands with (non-contagious) severe laryngitis. i can’t speak (not even whisper) for around 14 days straight. (i asked the dr. “business days”?) she laughed.

i have to communicate. it’s inevitable and ubiquitous. if i whisper to them, it sounds like i’m going to kill them later. when i write something down, they all think i’m deaf.

some who think i’m deaf, call for someone else to help. WHY???????? can you not write or speak or read? you need better social skills. i don’t know how my deaf friends deal with being treated like an idiot all the time.

anyway…i know sign language (asl) pretty ok. it’s been 20 years, so i probably suck pretty badly. but so far, not one single person i’ve encountered has been deaf or know asl.

the journey continues….

[shout out to all my hoh and deaf friends in seattle!]

(comment below with something stupid or interesting…)

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5th Day With Laryngitis (Cats Remain Aware, Yet Confused)

due to the laryngitis, i haven’t spoken to my cats in five days. a few loud clappings to stop from from doing cat stuff that makes a disturbing sound, but nothing verbal. i’ve snuck in a few whispers, against doctor’s orders, but remain concerned and confused.

laryngitis is one of the oddest scenarios i’ve ever been in.

i know there are people out there with far worse issues, but fuck them…this is about me! 🙂

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My First Tweet Post On My Blog…

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Sorry About All The Laryngitis Posts, But…

i find all the ways and needs of communicating interesting. especially being a somewhat social person. no matter the cause, i still have to communicate. i had to call my bank on something urgent that couldn’t wait on an email, for example.

words to live by: never whisper something to a bank teller. they get really concerned…

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I Didn’t Realize How Much I Talk To My Cats Until Laryngitis Hit Me

52 and have never had laryngitis. had one rough talking night during my dress rehearsal the night before opening of our high school’s musical “my fair lady”. i played professor henry higgins. my voice was back to normal the next morning. the late, great, randy bryant, directed it at seventy-first high school in fayetteville, nc (71st)

apparently, the only real and sure cure for it is zero use of your vocal chords. not even whispering. stfu, is all everyone says works.

but i constantly catch myself saying some nonsense to one or both, quite often. i think they think something’s up because i haven’t been talking to them. i mean, isn’t oral communication just as important even though neither of us have any clue what the other one’s saying?

(note: it just dawned on me that they might just be enjoying the peace n’ quiet of me shutting up for once in my life.)

(next day note: now i’ve resorted to loud clapping and foot stomping to make them behave and follow all of my human rules. i hope nobody’s watching or they’d lock me away.)

(day 3 of laryngitis: no words spoken for 3 days. a few whispers. i think my cats have determined they have an upperhand, they just don’t get it yet.)

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Another “Me On Twitter” Post

it’s a bit boring on twitter without your love, devotion, and smartass comments. follow me on twitter! @allenmcnulty

i permanently deleted facebook months ago, btw. was thinking about trying what’s app, but i’ll have to read stuff.

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If I Hit The Big Lottery…

i promise to be an instrument of good.

i’ll be a good witch, not a bad one 🙂

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Mom’s Words Still Ring True…

“whenever in doubt, read the instructions.”

she said that a bazillion times to me…usually saying it when i’m stuck on a project and start getting pissy.

i don’t know if her dad drilled the same line into her and she passed it on…or what.

that line still helps. i’ll have to google its etymology.

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