i’ve been smoking since age 16, unfortunately.
these pretzels are making me thirsty!
i grew up with this phone (and many like it).
thomas o’ malley is baiting me by being cute so i’ll rub his tummy…but it’s a trap! if i do, it will be like the first ten minutes of “saving private ryan” and then my hand is missing.
good try, tommy….good try.
i’m just under 6’3″ tall and here are just some of my experiences:
* anytime i’m at a store (mostly grocery stores) a minimum of one person will inevitably ask me to get stuff off the top shelf for them. i don’t mind at all, i expect it after 53 years of being asked, and i’m happy to help 🙂
* getting into and out of small cars (or very low ones) is a chore, plus my head remains seated against the roof unless i sit funny. getting out is the worst. i have to organize and plan a strategy for that particular vehicle, which always results in: legs on ground first and then put my left hand on the car’s hood and my right hand on the top of the door and push (pull?) myself up to a stand. luckily, my small suv is much more manageable.
* i learned very young to always be careful when walking into any room i’ve never been in before. i have slammed my head into ceiling fans, lights, and the low part of ceilings when you go up/down stairs more times than i can count. countless times, i assure you. most people walking into someone’s home for the first time notice the couch, art on walls, etc., but not me…i’m looking for concussion-causing items above.
* i don’t have to climb as many ladder rungs as most people do to change a light bulb, check the house gutters for debris, etc. i’ve also never used a step stool in the kitchen that i can remember.
* i was able to ride carnival/fair rides before most of my friends, at an early age.
* shorter men, when standing directly beside me, seem to sometimes get a “napoleon complex”. sometimes they’ll flex or act like an ahole to me. that one always weird’s me out. i know it’s their issue, not mine, but still…grow the fuck up and be comfortable in your skin. mental health issues are covered in most health insurance policies.
* taking showers is very uncomfortable. the shower head always hits me at my abdomen. washing my hair requires moves from cirque du soleil. in my master bath remodel 12 years ago, i had him make the shower head very, very high up. it doesn’t affect anyone shorter and gives me my only pleasant shower experience i’ve ever had.
* washing dishes hurts my back tremendously. sinks are built very low (to me). i have to take “hurting back breaks” when i hand wash dishes. the top dishwasher shelf is ok, but i have to crouch way down for the dishes onthe lower shelf. twice. loading and unloading. when i hit the lottery, i might invest in building homes for taller people 🙂
* as with so many taller people, i’ve had constant back pain issues since my 20’s.
* thankfully, i’m not tall enough for people to say stupid crap to me like “how’s the weather up there?”.
* for a long time…before they changed them…i was always taller than the height strip in convenience stores at the exit door (for them to help describe a robber to police). if i every robbed a store with a height strip and the police asked “about how tall was he?” the clerk would have to say “taller than the strip” lol
that’s all i can think of right now, but will update when i remember other stuff.
please comment below if you have any issues with being tall.
i’ve never allowed any of my cats in my bedroom. my sleep is imperative and i need to remain undisturbed as much as possible (i’m constantly sleep-deprived, so i try to limit things that wake me up as much as possible). moreso…no cat hair on my bed!
that said…my bedroom door is always closed. the rare times that i accidentally leave it open, i arrive to find a kitty standing at the threshold peering inside at all the wonders of the world (through their eyes). unexplored territory with their daddy’s smell throughout…but they don’t cross the threshold.
when i first got butter (he’s almost 18 now!), he ran into my room the first chance he got when he was a newbie. immediately ran under the bed, of course. and it’s impossible to hand-reach a cowering cat underneath a king size bed with barely room enough for an arm to blindly feel around, so i used the “scare the shit out of him with extremely loud sounds” technique. he bolted out and never went in again (after a few more tries and scoldings)
if i’m just running into my bedroom to grab something real quick, i sometimes won’t close the door to latch close…it’s just cracked open a tad. tommy will nudge his head against the door and stick his head in…but won’t come inside.
it’s very funny to see, actually. i don’t carry my phone around with me, so i can never get a pic. one day, perhaps.
every morning i get up…for 4 years now….tommy sits outside my bedroom door in the hall and waits for me to get up and come out. he head butts my legs to death, gets petted, and follows me downstairs to do our morning socializing, get fresh food/water, and still doesn’t understand that i need an hour of coffee/wake-up time before i can play with him. butter, however, has learned to give me an hour to wake up. after i’ve been up an hour, butter starts meowing at me for attention.
it’s the only part of my days that i love. it’s the only joy, happiness, and love i experience or want anymore.
there’s so much love between us, i simply can’t put it into words to reflect its perfection and how carthartic they make me feel.
i never wanted to have to learn to live without you, but I did.
talk about stealing one’s heart…
was watching some batman movies recently (dark knight and batman begins) and noticed something…about a third of his face is exposed. no protection at all. all cheeks, chin, and complete mouth.
if batman ever came at me, i’d just aim for that part and stop hitting his armored suit parts like everyone else does. a shotgun blast to his mouth would pretty much end his career.
please comment below if you agree/disagree…
everyone who knows me knows that i heart anything tech/geek/nerd. i find technology easy (so far). but my brain forgot stuff.
i had to go to the big city. entered the address into my gps and off i went. should have taken about 20 minutes, but they shut down the major interstate (in the area i needed to exit at on i-40) and i never updated my gps unit. it’s free to upgrade and only takes a few minutes to do, but it had been a year since i remembered to do it. so, of course, it didn’t know about the interstate detours and kept sending me in figure 8’s until i realized that i was “groundhog day” movie driving.
thought i could find it on my own, but ended up behind a wardrobe in narnia, somehow.
never once dawned on me that my high-priced, state of the art, smartphone, had gps on it. never crossed my mind.
asked directions 4 times until someone got it right. half a tank of gas later, i arrived.
then i had to go back home, but i was lucky to have once been in that area before and knew a side road home.
live and learn.
watched justice league and aquaman did everything out of water. even when that area was being flooded with water he could barely hold it back…but he’s aquaman! shouldn’t that have been the easiest task in the world for him? i mean, the ocean is much more mighty. i was confused by his ability to fly, too…but it is a comic/movie, so maybe that’s just a thing he can do that i was unaware of.
then i just watched the “aquaman” movie. why do the gods of the ocean need ships and sharks/seahorses to ride on (seemed slower and clumsier than their actual swimming abilities)? why was almost all of the movie showing aquaman fighting on land?
i admit…i don’t remember reading much of him in comics as a kid, but still…
please school me below in the comments section…
i asked my dentist which is better, an electric toothbrush or a manual one. she replied “what the hell are you doing in my house!”
some finance sites say that publisher’s clearing house (pch) made about 106M last year (so this post assumes that those figures are accurate)…but they claim to give away tens of millions a year. are they just the nicest people in the world to give away most of their profits or is it a total scam? i just don’t understand how they can be giving away such a HUGE portion of their profits like that? they’re not a charity organization or philanthropists (that i’m aware of)…so what am i missing here?
they’ve got many offices across the nation, so their operating/payroll/etc. costs must be quite high, as well.
not trying to bad-mouth them or discourage people from entering…i just want answers 🙂
please comment below…
“if you’re searching the lines for a point
well, you’ve probably missed it
there was never anything there
in the first place”
definitely a bit pricey, but totally worth it when needed. doordash is delivering food from restaurants in kernersville now!
i was able, for the first time in almost 2 weeks, to speak words out loud. never had laryngitis before. what a crazy trip that is.
anyway…i spoke to the kitties today and they didn’t care one bit.
i’m in love with her version.
i got some money for xmas. bought some “magic” stuff with it. disappearing ink and a hand buzzer (not magic, but funny as fuk to a 6th grader).
as soon as i got to school, i immediately walked up to the principal and squirted his white shirt with (what appeared to be) blue ink.
every child around froze and had a look of fear i’m not sure i’ve seen before. all the adults stopped everything they were doing and looked like “oh allen…you finally crossed the line.”
then i realized nobody knew what it was, so i screamed “no! don’t worry. it’s magic disappearing ink i got for xmas. just give it a few seconds and it turns to water with no stain whatsoever!”
that was an indescribable 20 seconds of my life. everyone around just staring at his shirt. then…it went away.
he ended up chuckling at me and told me to never do that to anyone ever again.
everyone hated the hand buzzer, btw. best. buy. ever.
(i have no clue how old i was here. that was my dog among 6 cats in our home. her name was “princess”. she had a german name when my mom got her, but changed it because “it sounds too angry”. i’m wearing an “air force” tshirt because i was a “military brat”)
this kid’s story is fantastic. i can’t believe there was never a word for that! i promise you that “levidrome” will be an official word in merriam-webster’s dictionary in their next word addition.
how many pots can you really buy before you have to stop? #levidrome
— Big Gay Al (@allenmcnulty) March 20, 2019
i know i’m a guy but…
people who are offended when someone breastfeeds in public need to STFU. what they’re doing is natural and strengthens the bond between her and her cat.
(if i run for president, this post might come back to haunt me…)